REPORT FROM THE TEXAS STATE HOVERBOARD CONTEST

12/7/2003

The Texas State Hoverboard Contest was hosted today by the Spring,

Texas, Aircommander  Association.  Since it's founding in 2002, the

Association has grown in leaps and bounds to now include not one, not

two, but three Aircommander dealers and a customer.  Well, I am set if

I need to buy another one ….

This is the first year the Texas State Hoverboard Contest has been

held in Spring and the Association went all out to make all the

participants and spectators feel welcome and part of the high-octane

action.  In true Texas welcoming style, the Association started the

afternoon off with a filling lunch for every participant and spectator

at the local purveyor of fine food (McDonalds).  The contest brought

in all the top names in hoverboarding from all over Texas to

participate and the level of skill was, in a word, unforgettable!

The Association contracted with Hovercrafts of Texas, one of the local

Aircommander dealers, to manufacture the "Official Hoverboard" for the

contest.  The hoverboard was about 2' by 7' and powered by a 10 HP

engine spinning a multi-wing fan that provided both lift and thrust

like on a UH-6F.  The rudders were controlled by a novel hand held

controller that allowed the rider to turn the rudders and control the

throttle.

This year's contest course was setup at the local high school and was

particularly challenging with many dips, bumps, dirt traps and solid

pylons (cars) to really test the metal of the contestants.  The

participants were so close to the action they could almost touch the

riders, which added to the almost electric tension in the crowd. The

gasps and screams could be heard from the crowd as they dove for cover

as the contestants zipped by demonstrating their hoverboard skill -

each pushing for those critical extra points.  Wiggle Ass Crampton put

on a pre-contest demonstration show that had the crowd on their feet.

Of course seating was scarce which may have been a factor.

Mike Boyle was in rare form as he went around the course and wowed the

crowd with a number high difficulty 360s but was disqualified when he

veered off the course.  It seems the church group that is housed, as

temporary accommodations, in the high school on Sunday was in the

middle of their service.   As sometimes happens a couple of the

gentleman parishioners were reflecting on the salient points of the

engrossing sermon by looking out the windows just as Mike was closing

in on their trusty steeds. Well either the value of their worldly

belongings or the message of the sermon hit close to home as they

looked like they had an epiphany at that moment.  Mike filed a protest

to reverse the disqualification by alleging a steering defect (would

not turn left) in the official contest hoverboard.  However, the

Association's chief safety inspector, Wiggle Ass Crampton, reviewed

the craft and stated "the craft is in the same condition it arrived

in" and the protest was denied.

Wobble Legs Boyle was next and did moves that no one thought possible.

 But as a light that shines twice a bright lasts haft a long, Wobble

Legs show was as intense as it was short and he was ejected after

about 30 seconds.  He could be seen leaving the field of contest

shaking the dust out of what little hair he has and gasping for fresh

air.  Clearly he is an up and comer in this sport.

The local favorite, Wiggle Ass Crampton, showed the crowd (which had

by now retreated to inside the car), what makes this sport so great. 

He turned right, went straight, turned right, went straight again and

followed up by turning right again.  It was the very epitome of

perfection itself.  Crampton was unstoppable – to the ends of the

parking lot – ugh - make that course- he went time and again.  His

balance was beyond reproach – he can move his counter-balancing ass so

fast it almost looks natural.   Unless you were there, you could not

believe how far and how fast he can stick it out so save the most

hopeless of situations.  A lesser man would not have a chance –

clearly he has the "stuff" champions are made of.

Now some of you may not know, but a hoverboard is basically an

oversized shop vac.  The fan blows the dust and dirt from under the

hoverboard way up in the air where it is pulled into the fan to begin

the cycle all over again.  This phenomena gives the rider a

significant incentive to keep moving forward so the dust plume is left

behind.  Well, there comes a point in every hoverboard rider's career

where the fortunes of war and circumstances combine such that a long

sweeping turn is not possible.  And so it was with Wiggle Ass.  After

a series of well-executed high point maneuvers, and with the unnoticed

effects of a following wind, he was crowding in on the course guide

wires and was forced to either jump for it (unseemly) or make a sharp,

but slow, turn.  For a champion of his caliber, a dismount would be a

dishonor – there was but one choice for him.  At first it seemed he

was moving his counter balance so fast his pants were smoking from the

friction but it soon became clear that his proud run had come to an

ignomous end.  But like a specter appearing from out of the plume he

came, head high, feet well placed, knees bent and ass hanging three

feet off one side.  A gasp was heard and then a hush came over the

crowd as they took in the awesome sight.  Nothing was said, nothing

needed to be said, everyone just understood, there it was, the style,

the grace, the daring – yes, the pinnacle of hovreboard perfection. 

Quietly, reverently, the crowd moved to the cars and departed each now

knowing, now really understanding, what separates a true champion from

all the rest.

H

On a more serious note, the hoverboard was pretty cool.  Lane made the

craft sort of like a 6F but with a number of modifications.  This hand

controller is quite a neat device that straps on to the arm and your

hand can move a bar that moves the rudders.  He also has a throttle

control on the bar so one hand can control both direction and speed

while standing up on the hoverboard.  Nice touch.  He said he is going

to put a 2cycle engine on it for more power with less weight.  That

will take someone with much better reflexes than I to ride it but it

would be fun to watch.